Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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