I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
