so that wasnt chicken after all
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My cat gives me a boner
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
