What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
