Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't turn off my feet"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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