She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
