Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
