i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
