i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
