So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
