Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
