my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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