no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
