Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
