My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
