I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
