I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
