I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
