I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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