great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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