Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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