He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
