Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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