id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
