WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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