Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
