Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
