so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
