my phone needs a breathalizer
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
