Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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