You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
