If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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