He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
