The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
