i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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