i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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