took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
