i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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