I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
