It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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