Kiss
Puke
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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