Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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