I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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