accomplished twins. life is a go
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
