Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
