Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
