Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
