that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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