he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
