I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
