So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
